Reaching For Whatever's Out There

It was a year ago today I was placed from the hospital into the nursing home for physical re-hab. I never thought I’d still be in this wheel chair a year later. But I am, and yesterday I get the news from the surgeon, the next surgery will NOT be performed until sometimes in February AT THE EARLIEST!!! That’s not what I was led to believe back in early August when the same surgeon, told me we were looking like the follow-up surgery would be in October/November of 2011.

I forgot this was a government ran facility. It is run just like our government is run; you cannot take on what you hear today and make plans on it for tomorrow. I was so expecting to get this over with by Christmas. Now I’ll be struggling for the first three months of next year. At my age the frustration seems to come a lot more frequently but it seems to also come in slow motion. The slower it may come, the longer it takes for the fact that it has to be dealt with.

What an emotional roller coaster!!!

I guess now I can sit back, in slow motion, swallow all the drugs, and try and focus on the track’s approaching banquet instead of being rushed so much in early January; Hoorah!! I may need to look into increasing the anti-emotional drugs a bit though. Isn’t it maddening that there are drugs out there that are given to you to help you cope? Why don’t they put the real purpose on the drug label? i.e. “Take one tablet each day to cause your environment to slow down.”

Better living through chemistry, right?

So in slow motion I will sit back and let things happen at their own pace, and with any luck at all, I will be able to keep up!!

It was one year ago today I had the surgery on my second multiple overnight stay in the hospital. I have put writing this off as long as possible hoping to just let it fade from my memory and hope the effects it had on me became minimal. That is not the outcome though. This part of it all reflects the stay in the rehab facility; or in layman’s terms, the nursing home; following the surgery a year ago.

I knew a week before being released from the hospital that I was headed to a nursing home somewhere for in patient rehab. I was not able to walk on my own without assistance, and I was not able to get in or out of the bed without assistance. I knew this was not something I would place on family members to have to deal with so going to this rehab facility was ok with me except it was scary as hell at the same time.

But my head was filled with all these confusing things going on and I looked at it as maybe a time to be somewhere new and at the same time, get stronger, and it was one step closer to being away from the hospital beds once again.

But a nursing home and what the unknowns were scared the hell out of me. I was 60 years old and probably was going to be one of the, if not the youngest patient there. I didn’t feel young, yet. Read more »

I was in such good spirits the morning of the blood tests. I was really beginning to think the antibiotics had worked and it would just be a matter of me getting more strength back into my left leg and soon I would be walking again unassisted. I didn’t use the crutches much but to go out to eat, and to go to one ball game in the days prior to this test. All I knew on the morning of the test I felt great, strong and full of energy.

Kim drove me to the VA and we went in to the lab and got the blood drawn, and went to the hematology clinic. We were soon seen by one of the main physicians in charge basically giving me a fair to clean bill of health. His words were “You don’t even need to be here”

I felt even more elated and on the way out of the hospital parking lot I actually took a few steps on my own; showing off to be sure but at the same time, they felt good and deserved, but still I noticed a slight pain which I suspected to be some more much needed healing.

We headed back to Tipton County and went to Kim’s parents’ house for a short visit and while there I noticed I was getting very tired and sore. I passed it off as just the total work out I had given myself so far in the day and figured with a little rest it would surely go away. But it didn’t.

In fact by about eight PM that night, I was experiencing more pain than I had felt in weeks. It wasn’t a new pain but even though it was familiar, it was more intense. I became angry and agitated beyond belief, but the pain I was in was keeping me from focusing on anything. How was it possible that I had felt so good early in the day and by nightfall I was hurting worse than ever since this illness had slammed the crap out of me back in late July?

I called the head of orthopedics early the next morning and told him what I was feeling and he said there was no way the infection could have come back overnight and I had probably just hurt it with all I had done during the trip to the hospital. He told me to eat some pain pills and stay off it for the day and come to see him the next day if it had not gotten any better. He said the numbers in the blood work looked great and there was no way the infection had returned.

I couldn’t even dress myself the next morning at all. I was in fact crying holding on to my sons shoulder as he tried to help me stand on my own and Read more »

A few words about the month of August. I was losing weight fast. My appetite went to hell fast. It hurt to much to move around at all and my body was not letting me feel the need for food or any other pleasures in life. Using the bathroom was a complete nightmare. Sitting on the toilet was next to impossible and, not to be too graphic but, I was using it without the seat down and to one side so my left hip was not making contact with anything. Squatting became a forced routine that was both uncomfortable and unbearable. Constipation was setting in somewhat due to the Hydrocodone I was taking for the pain. I was maxxing out on Ibuprofen even before the noon hours and I was starting to feel very unstable chemically all in my body.

August continued to be very hazy and with drug filled memories. I did not go ANYWHERE at all, I missed grandkids ball games, and because of the pain and nonexistent hunger, I chose not to go out and eat or rather mostly not eat at all. I was using Jay’s old crutches just to get up and go to the bathroom. I sat in the recliner all the time day and night and the mental effects were as bad as the physical ones were. I did manage to go to one race, but in reality it was to get some drugs from a friend to ease the pain. I was getting sicker by the minute.

Like I said earlier, the MRI was done at the end of the month, but with the Labor Day weekend upon us, no one had the time to read it as of yet and be shocked by what it revealed, an it would be late on Labor Day Itself when the first qualified person would read it and make the mind blowing decision Read more »

ADD MOMENT: A lot has changed in the last nine months since I wrote last. Two hospital stays, one nursing home stay and one surgery with another scheduled late this year. The result; I am in a wheel chair for at least the next ten months. My life changed overnight back in July and it keeps getting stranger by the day. I have decided to post this whole story in segments. This first part will take you from the onset of what happened to the day I went into the hospital the first time. The dates are mostly exact, but there may be a few of the ER visits that were on another day the same week in August but this is not about exact dates, its about my life and the way it changed forever.

Wednesday, July 28th started like any other summer day. I was house-sitting sort-of, as my family was at the Gulf enjoying a most needed vacation. I had cut the grass in the heat of the day again, which I do most every time I do yard work as it really feels good to go the distance in the heat and then look forward to a good nights sleep. After taking a shower and grabbing something to eat I eventually fell asleep with Max beside me on his favorite pillow snoring away peacefully and I too, soon followed.

I do not remember any problems during the night. I know I got up to pee a couple of times like always and was looking forward to the arrival of the family back in just three days. But as I awoke on the 29th and tried to sit up in the bed I quickly realized something was horribly wrong. Read more »